Things Tainted by TV and Movies

1. Topiary. Perhaps you've seen a certain commercial for the schick quattro trimstyle bikini "trimmer" specially made for women's netherlands. In this ad, scantily clad women walk by unkempt pieces of topiary and magically the shrubs morph into well-manicured lawn pieces. 

I used to associate topiary with Annie James' London home. I refer, of course, to one of the twins from the 1998 version of The Parent Trap starring the once-promising Lindsay Lohan (speaking of things tainted by Hollywood.) But such days of innocence are gone. 

Now, shaped shrubberry = pubic art. 

(Additionally, Lindsay Lohan = lukewarm mess.) 

With some tweaking, this shift could be the title of cheesey porno, say, "From Disney to Vagina." Or perhaps it could have a love letter spin like, "From: Disney. To: Vagina." 

This leap from one Lohan-associative topic to another really bushed my puttons. [groan here] Bad pun aside, it weirds me out everytime I see the ad/stare at my roommate's schick quattro trimstyle while I pee in our shared bathroom. 

2. Strawberry Milk. When my older sister and I watched the Macaulay Culkin masterpiece, Home Alone, I was scarred by a scene in which one of the robbers, Marv, gets hit on the side of his head with a shovel. In response to the blow, his face turns bright pink as his blood gathers just below his cheeks' rough flesh. Post shovel scene, every time I'd look into my nightly cup of strawberry skim dairy deliciousness, I'd see Marv's face. It took me a week (equivalent to 6 child months) to recuperate and get back on the pink stuff.

3. Good songs. Music is extremely sentimental for both creator and consumer. I often use music as a chronological tool (She's All That came out when I was in 6th grade because I was obsessed with Kiss Me), or to remind me of a certain time (5th grade = Natalie Imbrulia's Torn + ChumbaWumba's Tubthumping + Spice Girls.) However, several songs that were once oh-hot-darn-this-is-my-jarn potentials or held special connotations in my mind have been sold out to commercials, and the most dismally fated finds end up on The Hills soundtrack. Nothing like hearing a once beloved tune used to feign a deeper meaning behind Audrina's lifeless staring at Justin Bobby. (I confess. I watch the Hills.)