Because Sex doesn't sell, Embarrassing does.

For many years now, I have classified certain instances as "butt clench moments" regardless of whether or not my partner(s) in conversation are familiar with my coined classification. Right now, I'm feeling considerate (or is that listlessness? eh.) so I'll be more thoughtful than usual and take the time to clarify.

butt clench moment, n. /bʌt klɛntʃ ˈmoʊmənt/
1. Occurrence when a person is embarrassed, either vicariously and/or personally, to the extent that he or she cringes so much that his or her butt clenches. (Toes might also curl, but not a requirement.)
Etymology: 2000, MHG coined the term to describe the way she felt when the boy cast as Joseph in that year's Christmas pageant started crying on stage after a failed attempt to warble his solo. 


Now that we're all the wiser, I'd like to share the source of some of my personal BCMs.
A list of my celebrity crushes throughout the years after the jump.

 

Age 3-4: Rolfe from The Sound of Music. (I had yet to understand the whole he-becomes-a-Nazi thing.)

Age 4-5: Michael from Barney & Friends. I love you, you love me. Let's make a happy family.

Age 4-5: The tin man. If he only had a heart. 

Age 5: Pizza delivery guy from Home Alone. I kid you not.

 

Age 6-22: Zack Morris. He sent my heartbeat to the Max. 

Age 7-9: Clark Kent/Superman. I think this is when I left my blond stage. 

Age 9-11: Theo Huxtable. Theodorable.

Age 12-14: Pacey Witter. I try to comment, you know, maybe a play on the word "creek"... but then I just start drooling. 

Age 15-22: Matt Damon. Hot Dayum...on. 

Age 15-18: Chris O'Donnell. O'DoMe.

Age 15-16: Hayden Christensen in the second half of Life As a House. 

Age 16-18: Clark Kent/Superman. He looks like an ugly swanling in this photo but I had to use it for the sake of parallelism. 

Age 17-19: Ryan Gosling...and okay, I'm ashamed to admit it...Noah Calhoun. ("It wasn't over. It still isn't over.")

Age 18-22: James Franco. I would totally pick Harry over Spiderman (evil dad and all.)

Age 21-22: Caleb Followill. Lead me to the true love way.

Age 22: Jason Bateman. Oh, I'll bite.