Pleasure and Guilt, Food and Poop, and (as always) Television

[witty intro]

...Hello. I’m here today to crankily type about a little something known as “guilty pleasures.” For the record, I do not have any issues with the term itself.  (The same cannot be said for terms like “make love,” “man-whore”— oh, the sexism— and “irregardless.”)

In fact, I love the idea of guilty pleasures. I’m even mother to quite a few. I think they’re a great way to get to know someone, because true-to-the-definition guilty pleasures are very similar to secrets. But so many (dare I say, majority?) of the guilty pleasures I hear of today are NOT true to the definition, and this is where the problem starts.

When magazines ask celebrities about guilty pleasures, or someone announces one in a public “place” (i.e. a locale in the real world or a status update online) I’ve learned to hold my breath and anticipate either a back-door brag or just a pleasure.

Sure, the pleasure might be a little nerdy, but if I had a nickel for every pair of Buddy Holly glasses I’ve watched ironically shuffle by me over the past year, I would spend the lump sum on a billboard reading,

“I get it: Cool = 'I’m nerdier/less-mainstream than you.' ”

Odd how no one ever seems to mistakenly label pleasure-less “guilts” as “guilty pleasures.” Maybe the conversion from adjective to noun tips them off that they’re missing something?

But enough ranting (at least in paragraph form). It's time to take this issue to the graphs. Let's start off with a celebrity example. 

"My best guilty pleasure is watching old sitcoms and eating grilled cheese and tomato soup in bed."-Padma Lakshmi

Padma, I think you're great. Love your show, yadda yadda yadda, but that's not a guilty pleasure. That's a Wednesday night.

You see, it's like this:

Need another comparison? 

Let me break it down using one of my favorite topics, television:  

dig?

...And yeah, that's pretty much all I've got right now. I might be back. 

Wow, today is not my day for segues. 

Bye? 

Two Cents & Three Words

An assignment from a college writing class: create and define three words. Please feel free (encouraged) to submit any of your own.

Tempmature (tεmp mə tʃər) adj. At the point in one's life where one has completed one's education but has yet to attain or pursue their dream profession, e.g. working for a temp agency.

“Although Ryan’s rented apartment was sparsely decorated and several miles outside of Boston, his ideal location, it didn’t cost much and thus suited his tempmature lifestyle.”

Impalsiveness (ɪmˈ pæl sɪv nεs) n. A rash tendency to cling to one's comrades, often in an intense and possessive manner and regardless of whether one has only known the target friend for a short period of time.

“Two weeks into their friendship, Jennifer impalsively grabbed Linda’s elbow and said with a puppyish half-frown, ‘You’re like, my best friend.’”

Pennsimistic (pεn səˈ mɪs tɪk) adj. A Penn student's view of the collegiate and academic world, marked by a wariness of competition from and inferiority to other Ivy Leaguers. A perspective characterized by a continuous resentment of being "second (or seventh) best."

“Alan didn’t want to get his hopes up about the scholarship. Despite his 4.0 GPA, he remained pennsimistic. He was up against eight other students, half of whom went to Princeton.”

Because Sex doesn't sell, Embarrassing does.

For many years now, I have classified certain instances as "butt clench moments" regardless of whether or not my partner(s) in conversation are familiar with my coined classification. Right now, I'm feeling considerate (or is that listlessness? eh.) so I'll be more thoughtful than usual and take the time to clarify.

butt clench moment, n. /bʌt klɛntʃ ˈmoʊmənt/
1. Occurrence when a person is embarrassed, either vicariously and/or personally, to the extent that he or she cringes so much that his or her butt clenches. (Toes might also curl, but not a requirement.)
Etymology: 2000, MHG coined the term to describe the way she felt when the boy cast as Joseph in that year's Christmas pageant started crying on stage after a failed attempt to warble his solo. 


Now that we're all the wiser, I'd like to share the source of some of my personal BCMs.
A list of my celebrity crushes throughout the years after the jump.

Meaningful Equations

Agree or disagree?